Let me be honest with you: this list will save you a life time of effort.
It will spare you years of wasted effort in the dating world and help you steer clear of bad experiences and the “leftovers” of dating.
I present to you 20 types of men you should avoid when looking for a serious relationship. Run away from these type of guys for the sake of your mental health and personal growth.
If you’re ready, let’s begin.
The One Who Is Only Available For Smuushing
Smooshing. You know what that is, right? If your guy is only around for smooshing or only shows up when he thinks it will lead to it, that’s a big red flag.
It means he doesn’t take you seriously. Your man should want to be with you regardless of whether it leads to anything physical.
He should be there for you, not just interested in huuuking up and then disappearing.
Pay attention.
If, after an intense moment, you reach out and he’s unavailable but shows up when he thinks there’s a chance for smooshing, that’s a big red flag.
Run away from this type of guy!!! Need I say more?
The One Who Leaves You Unsure of His Love
Here’s another common mistake: thinking people might change in the future.
If someone is interested in you, you’ll know. It will be clear as day. But if your man leaves you uncertain about his feelings, he’s not someone you want to be with.
People like that are often manipulative and have ulterior motives. They’re likely there for something else, and once they get it, they’ll move on.
It should be clear whether or not he loves you. He should say it ever now and then and SHOW it through his actions.
If it’s not clear, ask him to define the relationship. If he can’t, it’s time to move on.
The One Who Is Manipulative
These kinds of guys are dangerous.
They’ll cause issues in a relationship and then find a way to blame you.
For example, they might cheat or do something wrong and when you confront them, they’ll make it seem like you’re crazy.
They focus on how you react rather than what they did to provoke you.
They don’t address the root cause of the problems they create. Instead, they highlight your response, making it seem like you’re the problem.
They’re manipulative and can seriously affect your mental health if you’re not careful.
The One Who Is Abusive
You don’t need me to write three or four paragraphs in order for you to understand why you shouldn’t be with someone abusive.
This includes all forms of abuse including physical and emotional abuse, like insults.
You deserve to be with someone who respects you, even when they’re angry; their focus should be on solving problems, not degrading you.
If you’re facing emotional or physical abuse, leave the relationship. Don’t hesitate. Leave for good.
If you don’t leave, don’t come to me crying via dm 🙁
The One Who Disrespects You in Front Of Others
How crazy is it to disrespect your parents in front of others? It’s pretty stupid, right?
The same applies to your partner. Both your parents and your partner are people you love and respect.
We should never put those we care about in situations where they look bad in front of others.
Disrespecting someone publicly invites others to do the same.
If your partner frequently makes you look foolish or shares personal matters in public, that’s a toxic behavior.
Your partner should support you, not expose you.
If they can’t do that, you’ll end up with all your private matters out in the open.
The One Who Can’t Keep Secrets
This kind of guy can’t keep secrets. Whatever you share with him, he tells others.
Personal and intimate moments between you two become public knowledge. If you send him private content (which you shouldn’t even be doing in the first place), his friends will see it, and so will others, causing them to lose respect for you.
This person will damage your reputation instead of uplifting it.
A good partner should enhance your life and status, not diminish it.
Stay away from someone who can’t respect your privacy and trust.
The One Who Never Apologizes
You’ve seen it in movies where couples argue and then reconcile with apologies and tender moments.
But in real life, it’s often more complex. Some people never apologize for their actions.
They find it beneath them to admit fault and would rather ignore the issue, hoping it will resolve itself.
If you’re dating or searching for a partner, you might encounter someone like this.
They won’t return your calls, dismiss your feelings as oversensitive, or belittle important occasions like your birthday without remorse.
Instead of apologizing, they argue until you relent.
These behaviors can lead to frustration and resentment, causing you to bottle up your emotions until they inevitably overflow.
The One You Constantly Have To Remind To Be Loving & Romantic Towards You
If you find yourself reminding your partner to be romantic or show love, something isn’t right.
Love should be mutual and natural. You shouldn’t have to prompt someone to express their feelings or make gestures of affection.
It defeats the purpose of love itself. In a healthy relationship, both partners naturally show love and appreciation for each other.
If your partner consistently fails to show love or appreciation without reminders, it may be a sign that they don’t truly value the relationship.
You shouldn’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
Those who genuinely love you will find ways to show it, even if they’re unsure how at first. They’ll seek advice from friends, make efforts to make you happy, and consistently express their love for you.
If you’re in a situation where you constantly remind your partner to show affection, consider stopping this pattern.
Instead, have an open discussion about your needs and expectations.
If things don’t improve after expressing your feelings, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and consider setting clear boundaries.
The One You Literally Have to Force To Check up on You
Like I said before, true love doesn’t need constant reminders.
Someone who cares will miss you and actively try to connect. Dates, shared hobbies, just spending time together – these are signs of genuine interest.
Mountains, movies, painting – it doesn’t matter the activity, as long as they want to be with you.
If someone consistently goes long stretches without reaching out, it’s a red flag.
In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t feel like you’re the only one putting in effort.
The One Who Never Listens To Understand But To Argue Back and Prove a Point
Unfortunately, there are people who struggle with healthy communication in relationships.
These inflexible partners can’t resolve conflicts constructively.
Issues fester, creating a ticking time bomb. A relationship with someone unwilling to change can lead to heartbreak.
The pattern often goes like this: you try to address a problem, but they become defensive.
They might deflect by bringing up unrelated past mistakes or simply deny the issue exists.
True listening and growth are absent.
These situations are incredibly frustrating. If you see no effort to change, it’s best to consider moving on.
The One Who Brags About What He Has Done For You – (let’s use gifting as an example)
Gift-giving is a beautiful gesture meant to express love, appreciation, or simply to brighten someone’s day.
In a healthy relationship, gifts are chosen thoughtfully and offered freely, without any expectation of getting something back.
Unfortunately, some people use gifts in a manipulative way within a relationship.
These partners might shower you with presents, but then weaponize them later during arguments.
They may throw your past acceptance of their gifts back in your face, implying that you’re ungrateful or haven’t reciprocated enough.
This creates a sense of obligation and guilt, making you feel like you’re constantly in debt.
Another red flag is a partner who dismisses your gifts, no matter how thoughtful they may be.
They might downplay the effort you put in or even claim they “don’t need gifts” altogether.
This can be particularly hurtful, as it undermines your attempt to express your feelings.
The key difference lies in the intention behind the gift.
A genuine gift comes from a place of love and care, with the sole purpose of making the other person happy.
There’s no hidden agenda or expectation of receiving something of equal or greater value in return.
If you find yourself in a relationship where gift-giving becomes a source of tension or manipulation, it’s important to address it directly.
Open communication is crucial. Explain how their behavior makes you feel and emphasize that true love doesn’t require keeping score.
If they’re unwilling to change this dynamic, it might be a sign of a deeper incompatibility within the relationship.
The One Who Only Has Time For Work
The early stages of dating are crucial for building a foundation of connection and mutual respect.
If someone you’re just getting to know constantly prioritizes work over spending time with you, it’s a potential red flag.
This is the time when people typically put their best foot forward, so a lack of effort early on might be indicative of future behavior.
It’s unrealistic to expect someone to be completely available all the time, but a healthy balance is key.
While work commitments are important, someone genuinely interested will make an effort to schedule dates and connect with you.
Don’t fall into the trap of hoping they’ll change later.
If work consistently takes precedence over getting to know you, it may be a sign they’re not emotionally available for a serious relationship right now.
Remember, the beginning of a relationship is often the most exciting phase. It’s natural to prioritize spending time with someone you’re interested in.
If someone dismisses this initial spark or seems uninterested in nurturing it, it’s important to be honest with yourself about their level of commitment.
The One Who Has Cheated On You Before
I don’t understand how people forgive cheating or partners who have cheated on them.
Personally, I wouldn’t. I’m not suggesting you should follow my lead, but if your partner has cheated, this is what it truly means (in case you never sat down to think deeply about it): despite all your love, care and efforts, they still CHOSE someone else.
It’s the ultimate form of disrespect any human being can afford another, because it degrades your worth.
Partners should uplift you, not diminish you.
Staying with a cheater suggests you don’t value yourself enough. Period!
The One Who Has A Lot Of Female Friends
Now a lot of people will point fingers and begin to label people who think like this as over thinkers and insecure.
The truth is, i have validated this not once, twice but many many times myself and when i counsel people.
“If your partner has many friends of the opposite gender, and seems actively involved with them, the risk of cheating is significantly higher.”
If he can get that much female friends, and be excited to be around them, going on “friendly dates” and spending quality time with them, be rest assured, he can bag another h*t chick as easy as abc.
Don’t buy into the “just friends” narrative, especially if they frequently hang out with these friends.
It’s natural to feel jealous, and your partner should respect that. He needs to cut down on how much times he spends with them and the kind of activities he engages with them onwards.
Continuously spending time with members of the opposite sex can lead to emotional hurt for you, and on their part, potentially cheating.
The One Who Uses The Insecurities You Trusted Him With Against You During Arguments
It’s incredibly frustrating when someone uses the insecurities you confided in them during moments of trust against you in arguments or to mock you in front of others or prove a point.
If I share something personal with you, like an insecurity about myself or a bad habit I have, I expect you to keep it confidential and never use it to hurt me.
If you betray that trust, it shows you don’t value discretion.
I once counseled a couple where the woman shared a personal story with her partner about how her sisters labeled her disrespectful after she returned from boarding school, which made her life miserable that year.
During arguments, he would use this story to prove she wasn’t understanding or to accuse her of being disrespectful.
Even if she has flaws, it’s wrong to use something she entrusted him with against her.
There are better ways to approach such issues without betraying someone’s trust.
That’s the point, you get it?
The One Who Claims Not To Do Something But Does It
People like this simply can’t be trusted. They claim to be something they aren’t.
They might say they’re not going to a party, but then attend anyway.
They might promise not to do something or repeat it again, and then go ahead and do it.
They might claim not to have negative traits like gossiping, using your entrusted insecurities against you, or being abusive.
But as the relationship progresses, you’ll find out that they are the exact opposite of what they initially portrayed.
These individuals are either indecisive or manipulative, and they’re not reliable.
It’s best to avoid being around people like that, regardless of which category they fall into.
The One Who Can’t Decide Anything On His Own
One key trait of men is leadership, which includes the ability to independently make and stand by decisions.
If a man constantly seeks validation from his circle or family before making decisions that impact your relationship, it can be concerning.
And that’s because if third parties are involved, and frequently influence your relationship dynamics, then there likely would be issues down the road.
It’s beneficial to be with someone who can confidently make decisions independently.
The One Who Can’t Stand By His Words
Look, I know this might sound strange, but hear me out.
In a relationship, you need someone who will call you out when you’re out of line.
Someone who will say, ‘If you keep doing this, I won’t tolerate it.’ And importantly, they actually follow through.
For example, maybe you consistently ignore him on calls to chat with friends for long stretches.
If he’s noticed this and tells you, ‘If this keeps happening, I’m going to hang up or not pick up for a while,’ then sticks to it, that shows he has principles and respects his own boundaries.
He’s not a pushover. He won’t obey your every whim or be okay and patient with however you treat him. He means what he says.
These are the kind of people who can truly protect you, because they can make tough decisions even if it hurts them.
The One Who Takes Offense in Little Things
It’s really challenging to be around people who take offense at small things.
You might make a harmless observation or joke, but they interpret it as a personal attack.
Dealing with such individuals can be tough because they find issues with almost everything you say or do.
You end up censoring yourself and being overly cautious, which prevents you from being your true self and enjoying playful moments.
While some people are patient and can adapt to this behavior, if it doesn’t align with your personality, it’s okay to avoid them.
Instead, find someone who understands you and complements your personality well.
The One Who “Returns Back Energy”
A man who mirrors your energy isn’t truly being himself with you; he’s reacting to your actions.
His behavior becomes influenced by how you behave, and sometimes you might act out of circumstance rather than genuine intent, which he could misinterpret negatively and respond accordingly.
For instance, if you unintentionally missed an important event like their birthday due to a family emergency, they might take it personally and seek revenge during your own birthday.
This creates a cycle of indebtedness in the relationship where actions are seen as debts owed and repaid, even if unspoken.
The “owing theory” as I like to call it.
This dynamic isn’t healthy; you should be yourself and act based on your genuine feelings, not in reaction to someone else’s actions.
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